Me, myself and i

Due to my recent condition of being suspended, i feel kinda lost and unhappy. I feel like ive done terrible things instead of doing the right thing. Aint i supossed to make my own path and build my own destiny? Aint i supossed to be the only one who can chose and see whats right and whats wrong? Aint i supossed to ask God for guidance instead of searching in the dark? For once in my life, i feel lost, i feel unhappy, i feel hurt. I feel so empty. Even though i love Oliveira, i need to be full again, i need to smile at least when im not around him. No, this is not The Talk to him about breaking up, but this...this is making me feel like im walking in circles, chasing my own tail, and not seeing whats in front of my very mere eyes. I need Him. I need Him more than ever. I confess that ive made mistakes and that ive fallen so many times, but i need Him in these dark times and i need Him now....