Me, myself and i

Due to my recent condition of being suspended, i feel kinda lost and unhappy. I feel like ive done terrible things instead of doing the right thing. Aint i supossed to make my own path and build my own destiny? Aint i supossed to be the only one who can chose and see whats right and whats wrong? Aint i supossed to ask God for guidance instead of searching in the dark? For once in my life, i feel lost, i feel unhappy, i feel hurt. I feel so empty. Even though i love Oliveira, i need to be full again, i need to smile at least when im not around him. No, this is not The Talk to him about breaking up, but this...this is making me feel like im walking in circles, chasing my own tail, and not seeing whats in front of my very mere eyes. I need Him. I need Him more than ever. I confess that ive made mistakes and that ive fallen so many times, but i need Him in these dark times and i need Him now....

The letter

Helou there. Last night, i got the letter that i got suspended from college for this semester. Yep, tough, ah? I won´t deny that i cried a little bit and got sad about it. I told Oliveira y Hermione about the news and they showed me their support, so i don´t feel alone. I must assist to some kind of Orientation for suspended students and that will depend on my comeback to college next semester. Im calmed now and focused only on that. I need to. I cant panic or being in shock or cry about it, or being just weak. This is a mere proof that i need to have faith and be strong and get the strenght from within, even though i dont have any. I can do this.  Im very damn sure.

Sorry for the short stories. Promise ill write some really long for you.

Hey, there

I had such a big day today at work. Tons and tons of files to do. Such a nice way to be busy (note the sarcasm). Anyway, i talked to my friend about me and Oliveira (boyfriend), and she told me that i have to be strong, cuz many people will judge and wont see it right and will start with the lectures and preaches and many things else. I just gonna trust and be patient and my head high. Nothing else, just stay quiet and accept whatever may come. I wont hide anything. If they ask, i´ll answer. If they wanna judge, i wont care, cuz i dont have to. He´s a good man and nothing more, and thats enough for me. We´ll fight, cuz this is something worth to fight.

Us.

So, my lover told me that he went to Sabana de la Mar for work. I just pray for him to come back well. We talked about last night and fixed the problem. I mean, i´m a stubborn person  and i don´t like to give in so easily, but now i´m a real thing and i´ll work hard to make it better. I really love him and i feel great around him. Even though we have some differences, we talk about them and work them out. That´s the thing about commitments and relationships: you have to be sure (pretty damn sure) that you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone, or if it doesn´t end up that way, at least learn from it. I feel like i´m a learning everyday, i need to be more open and talk more often, but i know this will last for 70 years. We´re working on it to get there. He´s so amazing: i still don´t comprehend how this guy is so amazing. He has something that i feel very attracted to. Some weeks ago, i was so anxious and so nervous about losing him; the very fear itself manifested in front of my eyes like a dream i would never wake up, but then, i waved those fears and thoughts away, cuz my heart will be saved and secured with someone who´s worth it. He´s so tall and his eyes so deep that i feel like a little girl. And his voice so...hypnotizing that i feel more and more drawn to him. I love him. I really do. I´ve never thought i could love someone this much and desired to spend 70 years with that person. Or maybe more.

Rough

I was really on the mood this morning, and then, when the night came, my mum was telling me (again) that i should talk to my minister and i told her to cool off, to relaxe and that i knew about the meeting. So, she started to yell and saying some stuff and told her that just cuz she was mad at her best friend, she shouldt take it out on me. So, then i was less chatty with my boyfriend. And he thought i wasnt being kinda focused on him. He´ll let it go by morning then. I´ve learned that some grudges cannot be kept on our chests for too long. Now i cant sleep. Not cuz of this, is cuz i have too energy....well, talk to you tomorrow...

.

Yes, i was gone. Yes, no one really saw that, except some of you. Yes, i changed some things: the title, the photo, my...blog, in fact. And yes, i´ll be back in english. I´m getting tired of writing in spanish, cuz everything  inside of my head is in english and the only way to let it out is here. No one reads this anyway.

Fernando

Yo también sé jugar, Fernando, yo también...

Cuando te haces el que nada sabe, que todo lo calla; yo también sé callar, Fernando....

Cuando al asomarme a mi ventana, siento tu voz acariciarme la espalda y tus ojos que brillan como farol en la noche.

Cuando jugamos al juego de mordidas y besos, siendo la cama el patio trasero.

Cuando sonríes con malicia, mientras recorres tus dedos por esos caminos que te sabes de memoria.

Cuando muerdo tu oreja y escucho tus aullidos; cuando me aprietas contra ti, sintiéndote ansioso y feroz.

Cuando tu lengua entra sin permiso y te abres paso en mí; cuando en la cima alcanzas la punta para descender entre mis piernas.

Yo también sé jugar, Fernando...yo también...

Ymli

Ufff!!!

Sí, lo se! Tengo miles de años que no entraba y ponía algo acá. :p por cierto, Ymli también posteará acá! Hasta otro post..

Glen